Souling

okay, first off, ignore my lack of grammar, punctuation, and the such. i'm tired, and i don't feel like dealing with it tonight. at least not consistently. there may be slip ups...or not so slip ups. whatever. just read. if you want.

anyway.

so, there have been many times (usually by the same person) that i have been asked 'how's your soul' as opposed to 'how are you'.  i like this question, and now i pose it to myself.

i got back from the movies tonight [after another wedding. this one of someone i used to be 'in love' with back in the day(s)] and i looked  up at the star filled sky.  honestly, i got that feeling i get when i stare out into the ocean. i felt, as charlie would say, infinite. but at the same time, ridiculously small. i mean really, really small.  which got me to thinking: i'm so small, therefore my problems are even smaller.  i think this is true, but, it's too hard to really believe that.

at this point in time, my soul is not in as good of shape as i would like it to be. it has a lot of things weighing down on it. [and yeah, i know you're reading this, no worries, just let me get it out here]. ((pardon the side note there))  i don't like it. but it has to happen. it's part of life, i know this.

i have a friend who's birthday is coming up. i have two ideas in mind for a gift. one, easily resolved. it's cheesy, but has meaning, sort of, and can be quickly obtained.  the other, well, not as easily resolved. in fact, i don't think it, no, i know it can't be obtained. at all. but it can happen. it's going to happen. right? i mean, it has more deeper meaning and more of the type of gift i would like to give, but i'm so small...how do i attempt to do something so large...

my soul isn't where i want it. i want to get there. i know how. i don't know how. i do know how. damn.

so, basic lesson to be taken from this: cody wants his problems to be as small as he feels when he looks up at the stars and out into the ocean, but wants to personally be as big as the stars and ocean themselves.

easy.

:/