The obligatory New Year post

Well it's that time of year again: the beginning.  So, you all know what that means, it's time for my resolutions for the new year.  It's time to write about all thing things I have no intention of following through with; the things that I have to talk about because it's what one does for the first two weeks of January, right?

Blah to that.

I have never been a fan of celebrating the coming of a new year.  I mean, it's not that big of a deal is it?  It happens, well, every year...

Anyway.

This year is no different.  I haven't made the typical "resolutions" that I am supposed to.  I don't plan to...exactly.  Here's my issue: why only make these "resolutions" at the beginning of the year?  Why not decide to make a change in your life March 14th because you realized on March 13th that you had something to work on?  Or is that not allowed?

So, my point?  I don't make "New Year's Resolutions" with the rest of the world because I feel I should live my life day to day trying to improve.

That being said, I spent a  lot of my winter break thinking about life and things.  So, here are my thoughts in blog form.  Take it where you will and use it as you wish...just don't be expecting anything Earth-shattering. ;)

As my first semester of grad school came to a close in December, I was forced to think about my professional philosophy toward student affairs.  I wasn't really prepared for what came out in the end, but as I thought about it more, I'm not really surprised.  A lot of the paper was focused around one statement/mantra/mission.  During undergrad and even at the Virginia Student Service Conference in November I heard Dr. Mark Warner talk about having a mission statement/goal/direction for your life that everything focuses around.  During my process of writing my philosophy paper, I began to really focus on what that means to me and if I even had a statement like this.  Well, if I didn't, I do now.  "I am meeting people where they are and helping them move toward where they want to go."  Okay, so maybe it's not fully where I am at the moment, but I will get there.  And I don't think it's going to take too long either.

Transitioning on from there [rather seamlessly], break provided me the opportunity and time to realize I don't know what I want to do with my life....and that's okay.  What I do know is that I want to cross paths with people and help them in the way I am meant to...however that is.  I do know I am in the right program for me.  This semester begins my counseling classes, and I couldn't be more excited.  Counseling and helping others through their problems/issues/concerns/joys/etc. is what I want to do, and these classes will do nothing but help.

Speaking of excitement...[not so seamless]...I did a lot of thinking about attitudes and outlooks over break.  For those of you who read this and know me [so three of you], you know I'm not the most Positive Patrick out there in the world.  In fact, most people would call me Negative Ned or Pessimistic Peter most of the time.  I like to refer to myself as Realist Roberto.  It was brought to my attention, though, that I am in a very heated and passionate relationship with Negative Ned or Nancy or whatever...and it's pretty much true.  My "realism" is usually just highly self-justified negativity.  What I called realism most of the time was really my inability [read: not wanting] to admit how negative I thought about things.  So, that's going to change.  Sort of.  I am going to work on looking at things from a different light.  Am I going to be life's biggest fan and loudest cheerleader?  Hell no.  But I will think about things a little differently and voice them in a more 'real' way...whatever that means.  It's a work in progress; just go with it.

[Awkward transition....awkward transition...awkward...]

I've also made another pretty big decision regarding life and outlooks and all that jazz.  I really thought about honesty over break.  And I'm going to start being more honest.  And it's going to begin by me being more honest with myself first and then move from there.  In saying that, I'm not admitting or confessing major dishonesty within my life, but there are just some things that I could be more open and honest about.  For example, I have "dishonest friendships" that I want to change.  A lot of my relationships are one-way streets...I'm that crying shoulder/listening ear/advise giver when wanted/punching bag/[insert everything else here]/[and here]/[and here] but I'm never the crier/talker/advise seeker/puncher/[insert everything else's inverse here]/[and here]/[and here].  I'd consider those pretty dishonest, and if I want to ever have a real relationship it needs to be different.  It's going to be tough, but I need to do it.  And I'm willing to do it.  And I am excited to see where it goes.  And no, it's not just the friendship thing, but everything.  I am going to start to try to be honest and open with myself and others about it all.

All that honesty stuff comes a little from the counseling sessions I was going to before break.  Because of my thinking and things during break I think I am going to have to suspend the sessions for a while and sort things out.  But, that being said, it's something my counselor and I talked about prior to break.  Anyway...  Something we also talked about was an outlet for me.  I don't have the most healthy coping mechanisms in the world [read: I don't have any coping mechanisms outside of bottling everything up].  So, during break I decided that I'm going to start coping through writing.  Physical, hand-written, writing.  For those who know me more than just superficially, you know I used to write.  Hell, if you've read my blog you've read some things I've written.  Well, I haven't actually written anything in a while.  That shall change...

...Which leads to my more "resolution-y" thoughts from break.  I'm going to start doing some physical tasks/activities/things to help sort out my life and all that stuff.  I want to start writing daily in order to hopefully bring back what I used to have.  I also want to read something other than a textbook daily.  I used to read all the freaking time, but college [read: netflix] ruined that for me.  So, I have quite a list of books I want to read, and I am going to read at least a chapter each day.  I think it'll make me smarter too.

Oh, and just to appease you all, I think I'm going to try and blog more.  About what?  I don't know.  It's been suggested to me that I could write a book about some of the stories I have, but I don't know if I want to broadcast them on something like this.  So, maybe I'll just blog things I think could have some sort of importance to them.  Maybe.

Also, as has become custom, enjoy the music that accompanied my blogging tonight.  There are quite a few songs seeing as this blog was rather lengthy.  My apologies.

A Thousand Years -- Cristina Perri
All or Nothing -- MuteMath
Beautiful Girl -- William Fitzsimmons
Beth/Rest -- Bon Iver
Better Life -- Paper Route
Calgary -- Bon Iver
Changing -- The Airborne Toxic Event
Claudia Lewis -- M83
Dark Horses -- Switchfoot
Do I Wait -- Ryan Adams
Fade and then Return -- William Fitzsimmons
Family -- Noah Gundersen
Feast of Hearts -- The Damnwells
Fire -- Noah Gundersen
Holocene -- Bon Iver
Hope For Now -- City and Colour
I Can't Make You Love Me/Nick of Time -- Bon Iver
I Love You But I Don't Know What to Say -- Ryan Adams