sometimes cute is what we aim for gets it right...

I'm in a mood.  I've been in moods before.  Hell, it's like I'm PMSing here.  This mood, though, is one of those weird ones.  You know (maybe you don't, but I'll assume), the ones that seemingly come out of nowhere and are indecisive as to whether they wish to be good, bad, happy, sad, or what have you.  I've had these before, but I really don't like them.  I want to be the only thing that's indecisive for me; I definitely don't want my moods having the ability to do that too.

Anyway, I don't really know what that has to do with, well, anything.

So, my sister is getting married in 23ish days (depending on when this blog is submitted).  That's cool.  I guess.  I have get to be in the wedding.  I really don't like weddings.  They seem rather pointless to be quite honest.  A lot of hubbub and ado over a few hours, when, in reality, you could still get the same amount of gifts and money from your showers and just elope.  That'd save a lot of money and decision making (who to invite, what to eat, where to eat, where to marry, blah blah blah) on a wedding that most people, a) aren't going to remember and b) are only there for the free food afterward.  Meh, if it were up to me (which, I highly ever doubt it will be) I'd just get married on a boat or somewhere far away from everyone.  But, hey, not my wedding, not my day.  I'm proud of her though.  She's turned out to be a pretty good sister, and she's marrying the person she's in love with, so more power to her.

Mmk, drama.  Let's tackle that tricky subject.  I don't ask for drama.  In fact, I really dislike drama.  There are very few things in life that make me feel awkward and/or uncomfortable.  Drama/dramatic confrontation/ confrontation due to drama is (yes, it's is not are since I'm considering all of that as one entity) one of those things.  I tend to attract/be attracted to it though.  And apparently I'm relatively good at unknowingly and unintentionally "causing" it.  Yes, it is unknowing and unintentional.  And yes, I did "" the word cause.  The drama of late is honestly unneeded and completely asinine.  I shall not bore you, my three readers, with the details, but I'll tell you this: third grade drama is more mature than this stuff.  Good grief.  Now, I'll be the first to admit (of course I'm the first, it is my blog) that I've caused drama.  Again, it was unintentional, but yeah, it's happened.  And, of course, I definitely did not like it.  And I tried to rectify the situation as soon as possible.  Usually it worked out.  If not, well, it didn't.  Oh well.  That happens from time to time in life.  This situation, though, is so beyond my control and so deep-seated in even more drama that I there really is nothing for me to do (even though I'm the apparent "cause").  It's honestly not as fun as it sounds.  Meh.

Moving on.

Life update?  Well, my granddad is in the hospital.  You may know how I feel about him already if you read my previous post.  Oops.  Kind of not respectful of my elders.  Bah.  Anyway, he is my last biological grandparent alive.  So, soon I'll be a grand-orphan.  I don't know how I feel about this.  I do think I'm a bit young to be this way, but I guess it's not uncommon.  I just think it's weird.  Hmm.  I'm still jobless at the moment.  I've kept on looking and applying but to no avail.  I think I'm just going to have to suck it up and work around Roanoke if I don't hear anything by the end of this week or next week.  Damn.

Oh oh!  I went back to JMU last weekend.  It was basically great!  Yeah, there were a few people missing, but hey, there will definitely be other times.  Honestly though, I had a fantastic time.  I saw a lot of people that I had been missing for a while, and, surprisingly, the whole weekend was drama free (well, at least physically).  ((Yes, I'm postulating and insinuating there is such thing as mental drama. It was there, so I know.))  The whole trip made me realize something though.  Before I went to JMU I was in a rough patch.  Dealing with some things.  Maturing.  Being a recent high school graduate.  But then JMU and the whole of the experiences that came along arrived.  And now that I'm back home and not headed back to JMU as a student anytime soon, I've had a chance to think.  My four years up there really kept me from doing dumb and potentially destructive things to my person (mentally, physically, emotionally).  Yeah, those destructive habits/tendencies/times happened while there (who didn't they happen to in some way or another?) but they weren't as bad as I think they could have been elsewhere, especially if I had stayed close to home.  Now that I'm back, those things have fought hard to come back though.  The other night was ridiculously rough.  But, it's all good.  I'm still here.  I'm still whole.  A little rougher around some edges, but hey, still all there.  I had a point I was going with this, but I've kind of lost it in the cavern that is my brain.  (If only my lazy ass had gotten out of bed and walked the three feet to my computer the other night......)  Anyway, here's a point for you: I had a good (healthy? eh, idk) cry the other night, and it was needed.  Oh, point: cry, it's helpful.

What else?

Um, I think that's all for now.  I have a bitchy string that I feel may come out if I continue.  Definitely don't want to do that!  I think I'll leave you all with something cryptic instead, bwhahahahahaha.

Final thoughts/sayings/ponderings/thinking points:

I had a thought the other day that I hadn't had in 4+ years.
I have something new that I've really never had before, and it's surprising to me and I don't like it now that it's here.
Or maybe I do.

That should do.  Now, don't assume you know anything, you probably don't.  :-P